When a Catholic converts to Atheism

Michael Panao
13 de ago. de 2016
3 min de leitura

I'd like to share the experience of a friend of mine who was a Catholic and converted to Atheism. In the initial period of that experience, my friend asked me 12 questions on science and faith. I compiled these answers in a short book "Challenges in Science and Faith". If you're interested in a free copy click here. What kind of conversion experience has my friend made?

Sometime ago the youth pastoral in my dioceses asked me to speak to a young Catholic audience on science and faith. I imagined that most of them has the same commitments as my friend and I had in our time. So I asked my friend to write me a synthesis about his path to disbelief. Given its high value, I wanted to share with these young people. He said,

"Today, the way I read the experiences I had for 30 years in the Catholic faith, and, in particular, at the age between 20-25, is to consider them an important phase in my life, and I try to make good use of every positive moment. The experience I made with God was to feel him as the essence of everything, someone who loves us infinitely, and of having him present in my life through prayer, in each moment. I think it was a quite "normal" experience for a Catholic trying to cultivate his faith, living it in consciousness, responsibility and coherence.

Today, I conjugate past and present experiences quite naturally. There was a phase when I had faith, and I'm in another phase in my life when I stopped having faith. I frame everything in their corresponding contexts. As you know, I haven't stopped having faith for no reason, untidiness, nor emotional reasons, but by interpretative reasons I consider objective, reflective, logical and from reasoning, through the assimilation of science dissemination books that made me a more skeptical person. Today, I consider the idea of God, as it is understood by monotheist religions in general; as I experienced in my particular case; as I know it is experienced by many believers; to be an illusion."

This is a very strong experience. And when it happens to someone you know, and care about, it produces a significant impact on you. At the time I received his first email, a decade ago, I was already reading a lot about science and religion, discovering all the groundbreaking work that many scientists, philosophers and theologians were making, revolutionizing the way we conceive and understand the interaction between God and the World.

However, what is the fulcrum of my friend's conversion to Atheism? Was it a strong experience of God's absence? Was it an experience of pain, suffering and death that turned God's presence in the world meaningless? No.

It were books. Books!

So I thought, what if he had read the books I did? Would he still be a Catholic? Was his faith intellectual?

Maybe not because he speaks about experiencing God in feelings, as love, and about His presence in prayer. I think his conversion to Atheism was intellectual. So I wonder.

Is reading a challenge to faith? What is the ground of our religious experience? Has my friend made a real experience of a profound encounter with God?

In the answers I gave him, my purpose was not to convince him otherwise.

Nor that his skepticism was the right path.

Each one of us have a path.

However, I think this path is not only personal, but relational. That he shared his conversion story with me was a beautiful thing. For me, it was a moment of true friendship showing the wonderful person he is. Even if that experience brought me pain. But it was his pain, and how important it is to share our pain with friends. "That's what friends are for", right? How could I answer his questions if not with my experience in the path where science and religion interact?

Books are one of the most powerful instruments to convey a message. We always confront that message with our personal experience. And if we're living a particular moment of frailty in our lives, books can be redemptive (see the case of Michael Phelps, an Olympic champion), or set us on entirely different path.